Voice of Insanity
The voices in my head… they talk to me…
Political Islam
Feb 1st
As a Malaysian and a Muslim, I’m ashamed at the lynch mob mentality of *some* fellow Muslims in Malaysia. Think about it, the level of thinking of some of today’s Malay Malaysians are in the same level as Americans who a few hundred years ago who in groups accused people of performing witchcraft and who then were subsequently burned at the stake.
I blame this solely on the UMNO propagated education system that deviates a lot of Malays from true Islam. Instead they are force fed garbage churned out by UMNO linked NGO’s and religious bodies. In order to push "Ketuanan Melayu" (Malay Supremacy), they needed to push "Ketuanan Islam" (Islamic Supremacy) to the Malay masses.
While Islam says you have to be fair and just to everyone, these mob push the idea that in Malaysia, because Islam is the "official religion of the federation" – as a Muslim they get to do whatever they want even if this violates Islam. Muslims must not be seen anywhere near a pig. Heck, its even censored from the movies. But the cow, the holy animal for the Hindus can have its carcass proudly displayed in night markets. Islamic preaching can be heard demeaning non-Muslims through blaring microphone after prayers. Hindu temples get demolished while mosque spurt out everywhere, even in locations reserved for community playground. It seems that if you’re a Muslim in Malaysia, you do not have to consider anyone else.
“Islam is the official religion of the federation” is corrupted to mean “Islam supersedes the constitutional rights of Malaysians”. By giving Syariah courts credibility, they mock the long standing equality of the civil courts giving rise to a whole group of problems when Islam mixes with other religions.
Syariah law enactment and state laws furthered this "supremacy" but setting up rules and regulations for non-Muslims. Because Syariah law is sold as "God’s law" in Malaysia – non-Muslims fight a losing battle from the beginning. These laws give religious enforcement bodies to pretty much whatever they want to do and not even the police can question them. Even constitutional rights of a citizen does not matter to these mob for as far as they are concerned, they are Muslim, they are Malays and that gives them the rights to pretty much rape the system!
A few days ago I was told that religious enforcement officials were citing an Indian curry house because they had their deities in the shop. The reason : Because Malays cannot enter the shop to eat! Such feudalistic approach to religion is borders blasphemous to Islam itself. These so called religious officials are rewriting Islam to suit Malaysian political needs – and Malaysia is paying the price for it.
All one has to do is look though the publication of IKIM etc to see that these organisations have not one ounce of credibility. They portray Islam being fair and just but feed the opposite to the Muslim community. For a Muslim, it is wrong to be come a munafiq (hypocrite) but these Islamic Political Opportunists are pretty much breeding munafiq Malay Muslims. A fine example is this the Allah Issue. Some how, Malaysian Islamic laws is opposite of how the rest of the world practices!
As a Muslim, I am now at a crossroads. I find that I can no longer trust what is preached by these religious officials. In fact the more I discuss Malaysian Islam with Muslims from the Middle East, the more I’m convinced that we have it wrong here. Just a few days ago there were reports that Malaysian religious bodies are giving lectures and warning the Muslims there is going to be a civil war over the Allah issue. Just when you think that these UMNO goons cannot possibly sink any lower – they surprise you by showing how slimy they really are…
The problem is, we are a multi racial country. Muslims fail to fathom that for this country to prosper we need everyone – to work together. If Malaysian Muslims keep pushing their will onto the non-Muslims, sooner or later even the most submissive will start to push back.
Allah in Context
Jan 14th
Common statement : "It is a proper noun exclusive to the Islamic faith"
This is a not true. Allah is an Arabic word for God. Its used very widely in the Middle East. It was not "created" in the Malay language but "borrowed" from Arabic.
Prophet Muhammad was an Arab. His language was Arabic. The Angel Gabriel spoke to Muhammad in Arabic and Allah conveyed his message initially to Muhammad through Gabriel.
So in what way all this is specific to only Islam ? Not all Muslims speak Arabic for one and isn’t Allah’s revelation is for all of mankind ?
Besides, if Allah is the name of the God of the Arabs, why are some Malaysian Malays making a fuss over it ? As far as I know, Malays are not Arabs. Even the Arabs seems to be happily going with their business with their Christian brethren over centuries without a fuss – why are some Malaysian Malays ?
All over the world, with any language with some roots with Arabic, like Persia and Punjab, Allah is used to mean God.
Hence no one in Malaysia can "copyright" Allah.
By seeking to "copyright" Allah in Malaysia, it is the most deviating from Islam because in Islam, Allah is universal and supreme. There is no such thing in Islam that says Allah belongs to Malaysian Muslims.
This is why even our most religious Muslims in Middle East did not seek to "copyright" Allah. In fact Quran specifically says that Allah is for "people of the book", the followers for Abrahamic faith. So are Malaysian Muslims changing the Quran now ?
A lot of people talk about "context of usage" when it comes to Allah. But Allah isn’t about context. As a Muslim we should know that if not we are munafiq. What does this mean ? It means just because we technically pray five times a day, fast etc doesn’t make us automatically a Muslim.
Being a Muslim is about understanding. Islam is about brotherhood. We stand united in prayers because of this. But aren’t all people bothers ? Allah created them too. So what right do we have to destroy Allah’s creation if we disagree ? Aren’t we disagreeing with Allah then ? Islam is about charity. Why then do we look at only to serve Muslim needs in Malaysia. Why not help all our brothers. Islam is about compassion and servitude. Why is it then we talk about being Malay more than being a Muslim ? Is being a Malay is more important than Allah ?
Remember, rejecting Christianity means rejecting the Quran as well as Quran talks a lot about Jesus. We were blessed with the Quran for the benefit of all mankind. Not only for Muslims.
As Muslims, we have to open our arms and trust in our faith. If we think that the moment someone says Allah, our faith will erode – that makes us munafiq.
Allah for all.
Owning Allah
Jan 13th
It really makes me wonder about some Muslim Politicians. They love to go about trying to portray as if Malaysia is a lawless country where everyone can do anything they want.
Malaysia has a legal system. Its legal system originates from England because our forefathers chose it to use it as a base. If our forefathers, who were really good Muslims, wanted a Syariah based legal system, they would have implemented it yonks ago. Instead to be fair to all races and religions – they chose a common law to ensure everyone is equal under law.
First and foremost this must be understood by Muslims and non Muslims alike – we already have a legal system and a good one at that. Why segregate people using Syariah law ?
Second, Syariah law may be God’s law, but its implementation is still by human beings and everyone knows when it comes to religion – its full of ulterior motives. Syariah is biased when it comes to non-Muslims. With current Malaysian constitutional law, there could be chance that one day a non-Muslim could become the prime minister. Syariah removes all abilities of that. It hands Muslims a silver platter and removes the rights of individuals – Muslims and non Muslims alike. It leaves the rule of law to theology and politicians with ulterior motives than to benefit the common folk. The state of Syariah implementations in countries across the world shows this clearly.
Third, forcing Syariah into a country with existing laws is a form of extremism. Think about it. The National Registration Department registers births, deaths etc. So if someone walks into NRD and wants to change their religion – what business does NRD or anyone for that matter (except God) to the choice of the person ? Why should a person who doesn’t want to practice a religion be forced to stay in it ? Muslims talk about progressive and intellectual thinking but when it comes to God, they act as if they are cave people. Why regulate something that doesn’t need regulating. Why is it that when it comes to Islam, the states are so insecure in thinking that everyone is just waiting to leave Islam ? Is there something they are hiding that is a ticking time bomb which is going to make Malaysian Muslims leave Islam in groups ? What do they mean by regulation – flogging people until they submit ? Is this what Syariah and Islam is all about ?
Fourth, while Islam does not have moral policing, Syariah and its implementers actively encourage it. More often than not this brings more harm than good. So giving Syariah law criminal jurisdiction encourages abuse. Leave policing to the police. That’s what they are paid to do.
Fifth, its a fallacy and outright lie that Malays are automatically Muslims. East Malaysian Malays are Christians. They have been Christians for generations.
Islamic politics in Malaysia are causing Malaysian Muslims to deviate away from the true Islamic religion to deviant fundamentalism by the day. The current issue with "Allah" is the perfect example… Malaysian Muslims seem to want to *own* Allah in a misguided attempt to achieve superiority over other races. This is not Islamic in any way. Malaysian Muslims are confused in thinking that Allah belongs to the Muslims. This is how deviant they have been from true Islam. Allah is an Abrahamic God. It is the same God for Jews, Christians and Muslims. This is repeated multiple times in the Quran. Here lies the bigger problem. The average Malaysian Muslims doesn’t read the Quran. He merely memorizes it and leave it to some religious leader to fill in the blanks. When you don’t go to the source, you get a lot of crap in the mix. This is why Malaysian Muslims in general have become so deviant. They have become so ignorant about the fundamentals of Islam. Islam is about brotherhood. This means you cannot go kill someone just because you disagree with them. Islam is about charity. Every year, in the month of Ramadan, Muslims fast to remind themselves of this important thing. Charity means the ability to share and give. So why do Malaysian Muslims need to own Allah? Islam means submissive. Why is it for some Malaysian Muslims, being Malay is more important than being a Muslim ? Why do they need their affirmative policies when Islam says everyone is equal ?
Finally, Muslim politicians must understand that we are in a country with laws. And that law is absolute and for everyone. Over the decades this law has been raped by UMNO politicians to suit their own agendas – the last thing we need is politicians from other parties doing the same thing – in the name of Islam. Religion and politics should not be mixed in anyway because it will always be biased towards the religion – no matter how good the intention may be. The more biased it becomes the higher chance of it being deviant from the true teachings of the religion. Islam is in very big danger of this.
I’ll leave you with this thought : God blesses all humans with money, health, wealth, rain and food. Why should Muslims discriminate non Muslims over the same thing ? Are Muslims more important than God ?
Objectivity
Nov 24th
My response to this article in The Nutgraph.
Dear Deborah,
Thank you for taking your time to write to us. I really appreciate that you take your time to look at your work objectively and it really reflects in your articles.
Allow me to defend my fellow Malaysians for a moment. A lot of us grew up learning that submission to higher authority was the key to a better Malaysia. We grew up during scandals of Pewaja, Judicial Crisis and the infamous Anwar trials. Everywhere we turned we were facing corrupt cops, corrupt system, corrupt politicians.
Malaysia has to be the only country in the world that every Malaysian know every dirty little dirty laundry of the government and is discussed at every Mamak stall.
When we turned to religion – we were again found that our choices were again taken away from us. Especially for Muslims we have our rights stripped away from us. But the fact of the matter is, no one is even allowed to question these rules whether they are even truly Islamic at all!
The result – we Malaysians are a jaded bunch. We are cynical of everything and we don’t trust the system. So at every opportunity we try to beat it.
The result, from every single parking ticket to the ministerial appointment – we just don’t believe in it. Our lives is spent trying to make the most of what we have.
But something happened in the last decade. Malaysians became more organised. They realised they are not alone in thinking that there is a lot of pent up frustrations around them. Years of neglect by the people whom they voted for some of them came to the realisation that – thinks may never change so they accepted their fate. Others however wanted change so bad their voices in the dark grew louder.
So you see dear Deborah, its not hard to understand why Malaysians seldom take middle ground in anything. Most of us are just kids rebelling against the elders for the first time in their lives. We never learnt the subtle art of diplomacy – it was either submit or resist.
With every single avenue such as mainstream media, police, MACC, EC (and even the royalty) under the tight leash of the ruling party its hard to voice our opinion and be head. So when we do voice it out, how can we not be biased ?
In fact I find most Malaysians most restraint because they have been putting up with our leaders under the most difficult conditions and yet give respect to them instead of throwing sandals like in other country. In return, this respect is paid back by unleashing the police, firing tear gasses at women and children and arresting lawyers.
Unfortunately Deborah, my fellow Malaysians don’t know when to stop. They dump everyone they come across into the same bowl and come out with stinging critiques to friend or foe. How could they – they never learnt rationalisation. When you write something they like – you’re a hero. If not – you are devil incarnate. Nothing is taken with a pinch of salt and taken time to reflect.
Look on the bright side Deborah. For the first time in the lives of most Malaysians, old and young, we are truly expressing ourselves – because powers that be cannot stop us. They can kill our spirit, they can kill our body – but they cannot kill the idea of a better Malaysia. And this Deborah, why you and I are here.
Deborah, I believe its apt to finish with the lyrics from Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start The Fire (for those who are used to this song, it is about the defining moments in US history…) :
Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggioJoe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn MonroeRosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, "The King and I", and "The Catcher in the Rye"Eisenhower, vaccine, England’s got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbyeCHORUS
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight itJosef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist BlocRoy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the ClockEinstein, James Dean, Brooklyn’s got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, DisneylandBardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the SuezWe didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight itLittle Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge On The River KwaiLebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California Baseball,
Starkwether, Homicide, Children of ThalidomideBuddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-goU2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the CongoWe didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight itHemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land,
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasionLawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats PattersonPope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to sayWe didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight itBirth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rockBegin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah’s in Iran, Russians in AfghanistanWheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie GoetzHypodermics on the shores, China’s under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can’t take it anymoreWe didn’t start the fire
It was always burning since the world’s been turning.
We didn’t start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on…We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight itWe didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight itWe didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire…
The meaning to the lyrics above is available here : http://www.school-for-champions.com/history/start_fire_facts.htm
How To Promote 1Malaysia Overseas
Oct 30th
Source : Sydney Morning Herald
‘Marry single mums instead of young virgin girls’
October 30, 2009 – 7:02AM
Malaysia’s conservative Islamic party has urged Muslim men to marry single mothers as additional wives instead of “young virgin girls”, a state official said.
Wan Ubaidah Omar, a cabinet minister from northern Kelantan, which the party controls, said the proposal aired in state parliament this week was needed to help single mothers and widows in the under-developed region.
“Muslim men usually like young girls or virgins as their additional wives, so I suggest instead of taking these young virgin girls, why don’t they marry the single mothers as their second or third wife?” she said.
“This will ease the burden of the single mothers as the men can help them to take care of their children. The single ladies have no burden,” said Wan Ubaidah, who is in charge of women, family and health affairs in the state.
Muslim men in Malaysia are allowed to marry up to four women but Islamic courts must approve multiple marriages before they take place. About 60 per cent of the country’s 27 million population are Muslims.
Women’s groups here have campaigned against polygamy, saying it is cruel and has deviated from its original purpose in Islam, which was to protect widows and orphans.
Wan Ubaidah said her call was not meant to encourage polygamous marriage but as a way to help at least 16,500 single mothers aged under 60 in Kelantan, a state that has one of the highest divorce rates in the country.
“Even if I don’t make the suggestion, these men are going to marry the second, third wife anyway but I have to emphasise that under Islam, only those who have the social and economic capacity can have additional wives,” she said.
The minister also called for husbands who leave their wives without good reason to be whipped under religious laws.
“Some of these husbands just go missing in action suddenly, and leave the wives without any food or money. These kind of men should be whipped, they deserve it,” Wan Ubaidah said.
“This punishment is not in the state sharia law at the moment, but we can make it a law to make men more responsible; there is a lot of room for improvement in the legal system to protect the welfare of women,” she added.
AFP
The Myth Of Malaysian Diversity
Oct 14th
My comment on Nutgraph on The Myth Of Malaysian Diversity.
In order for diversity to happen we must be willing to change. And things in Malaysia don’t change easy. Why ? Well as it was put eloquently to me during my recent trip home and I quote "If it doesn’t have an Islamic label, Malays wont support it, if it doesn’t make money, Chinese wont support it and for Indians – well who cares about Indians, they are irrelevant!".
There you go. Everywhere I saw in Malaysia, every race goes about their merry way doing their work. But they don’t look like people wanting change.
One has to understand something fundamental about Malaysians – they will bitch and moan to kingdom come about how unfair the whole system is. But when push comes to shove – they will look after their own interest or do nothing. They sit at their "mamak stall" and scream conspiracy of UMNO politicians. (In fact Malaysia is also unique in the sense that everyone seems to know every dirty laundry of every politician.) But they still support UMNO ? Why – its the devil you know. How else can you account for half a century of outright plundering of the nations coffers – and they public go about as if nothing is wrong. The French have started a revolution for less!
I remember when I used to talk about migrating overseas my friends would quickly say "I rather be a second class citizen in my own country than in another country". Well there you go! You asked for what you receive! If you are willing to be a second class citizen – accept it. Don’t harp on about how unfair it is. You are part of the problem!
So that’s the thing about diversity – you have to initiate the change before something happens and then accept that there will be changes. Muslims in Malaysia have to accept that we live in a multi cultural and multi religious environment and not scream murder every time someone wants to have a concert in Malaysia. As much as we respect one Muslim to another, we have to respect others and it means understanding that they can and will do something that may not be acceptable. Respect and tolerance is a TWO WAY street.
I have to say this out loud. MALAYSIAN MEN DO NOT RESPECT WOMEN. Period. Women are treated as things and baby producers. Especially for Malaysian Malays, the Syariah acts have stripped away some of their fundamental rights which they would have under common law. Under guise of religion Muslim men are allowed bigamy without needing to support former spouses and children. Cases in Syariah courts drag on for years with no relief in sight while the male is off spending money with his new playmate. So how then we can even move from this to having good female leaders ? Even our politicians are no better – remember "bocor" ? If that incident had happened outside Malaysia – two things would have happened :
a) the offending parties would have been sacked or
b) they would have had enough dignity to resign.
But this is Malaysia. We don’t need dignity or ethics to be politicians. We can be corrupt to the bone, rest assured the public will still vote you into office. Indians have a saying "if you correct the head, the tail will follow". Since our fearless PM has skeletons in his closest – how do you expect his ministers to be ? Heck we might as well make it a free for all and vote in gangsters (Oh wait, that has been done too…)
We cannot have diversity if we continue to bury our collective heads in the sand. We have to look up and see that we are all Malaysians. And we need to change. We have to accept that :
- we will not tolerate corrupt leaders.
- we will not tolerate racism.
- we will not tolerate religious fundamentalists or any form.
- we will accept that as a multi ethnic society, there must be a fair go between races. Like in the good old days – before politicians of dubious quality started brandishing keris to promote racial unity!
PAS Balancing Act
Oct 12th
My response to "PAS Balancing Act in Nutgraph :
"Fourteen hundred years ago, the Muslims did not question the law and [abided] faithfully; they [did] not need to ask the reason why."
Unfortunately, at this day and age, not questioning laws is bringing Malaysia to its knees. Fourteen hundred years ago, we had politician and leaders of the highest calibre. They made decisions with the greatest wisdom.
Today we have poor class politicians character and religious bodies who are ready with a bag full of fatwas on standby to appease their political masters.
Even in PAS, politicians seem to make these rules not for the benefit of the people but for their own agenda. Hasan Ali and Zulkifli Noordin(PKR) are classic examples of the hypocrisy of PAS. PAS preaches as if the problem in this country is its democratic principals.
The problem in this country is its corrupt politicians and their party. Making it an Islamic government will not make it less corrupt but will only make a mockery of a religious foundation. Besides, who will then speak for the non Islamic minority ?
History has shown us time and time again politics and religion do not mix. But PAS is an Islamic party. So will this party work for the greater good or work for the people of Malaysia. Working for a greater good may not be the right thing in a multi cultural and multi ethnic country like Malaysia. Why? Because non-Muslims in Malaysia do like to consume alcohol and pork. They do like to watch cartoons with pigs on TV. A large portion of them are MTV generation and love their music videos and concerts. And they love to hold hands in public.
Is PAS going to do a blanket ban on all that ? What about moderate Muslims. Is PAS going to force feed their "version" of Islam down the throat of every Muslim and non Muslim in Malaysia. (The reason I say version is because Islam like other religions has its denominations.)
The next question is what calibre of politicians come from PAS ? We already have Islamic thugs from PRK – Zulkifli Noordin who talks nothing like an educated lawyer. Are we to expect more of this "fine form of professionalism" with *everything* PAS does not agree? Will non conformists be burnt at the stake if PAS should come into power ?
It seems to me that PAS says one thing and does another. It doesn’t seem to have control of its members who generally don’t behave like civilized men and women and are second only to UMNO members when it comes to hypocrisy (munafiq).
I am asking the questions that are in the hearts and minds of every Malaysian including the Muslims themselves. Some people are convinced that "anything but UMNO" is better. But I don’t want Malaysia to get out of the frying pan and end up into the fire.
If PAS thinks it can recite a few verses from the Quran it has another thing coming to it. Until PAS establishes a proper framework and guidelines for itself and its members and refrains from blaming divinity for its shortcomings or its policies – it will find many Malaysians, Muslims or otherwise will refrain from voting it. Why? Because "its better the devil you know".
AK.
National Parody – Enjoy this satire.
Aug 11th
This article has been declared of PUBLIC CONCERN by the Malaysian Department of Homeland Security
This is because there is no word for "parody" in Malay. Avoid falling into the trap of heart!
WARNING: The following text contains the truth that has been long hidden from the public.
(The goal of this article is to provide the public with unrestricted information in the form of political satire.)
Islamic Soviet Union of Malaysia
Motto: 1Malaysia, Double Standards
Anthem: Negarakuku
Population:
26 million citizens and 1.5 billion illegal immigrants
Largest city:
City Nurhaliza
Official languages:
Unintelligible rojak of Malay, English and Chinese
Government:
Fascist Dictatorship
Major exports:
Durian, Jihad Terrorist, Quran, Moral Textbooks, Pirated VCD & DVD, Smatijoves, Pork, Water, Sewage (to Sinkaypoh), Cooking Oil, Condoms, Hand gloves, Belacan, Nasi Lemak
National Icon:
KLCC, Tolls, Duit Kopi, Excellent Taxi Service, Dirty Roads, Polluted River and Beach, Vandalism, Snatch Theft, Uneducated Leaders and Dirty Toilets
Declaration of Independence:
If it’s a Malay problem, it’s a national problem; If it’s a Chinese problem, it’s a racial problem; If it’s an Indian problem, it’s not a problem.
Language : Rojak
The official and most widely spoken language of Malaysians is Rojak Language, also known as Bahasa Rojak. Rojak language often regarded as the World’s 2nd International Language by experts for its diversity and uniqueness by combining various languages. It consists of Malay, Chinese, Tamil, English, Japanese, Spanish, French, Hokkien, Thai, Elven, Orc, Pokemon, Digimon, Mars, Venus, and many more. With that, everyone can communicate without the need to know more than 1 language. This is very useful in foreign nations as messages can be conveyed effectively using only Rojak. Rojak is also the simplest language ever constructed, just follow the following rules.
Law:
* Add "Lah" in the end of every sentence. Bob your head when doing that.
* Use "maybe", "can", "dunno" extensively.
* Each sentence must consist of more than 3 dialects/languages.
* If you dont know what to do next just say "OK" and nod your head.
Malaysian Economy
Malaysia exports a lot of rubber to countries around the world. However, the main Malaysian export is brains which is sourced from today’s brightest minds of Malaysian youth. Brains are exported to countries such as UK, the US and Australia through institutions called private colleges. This is a serious problem for the nation because while this ensures that Malaysia would be free of the undeserving immigrant Chinese, it also makes Malaysian graduates more stupid in average. Studies show that by the year 2019, Malaysian graduates will be unable to differentiate between their left and right hand.
Another major source of income is from pirates – no, not those who rob at sea or plunder the land from the sea, but those who are in the business of producing, duplicating, and distributing illegal copies of DVDs. It is therefore no surprise that the main Malaysian import is porn from various foreign nations, which has high demand by Malaysian buyers in ‘pasar malams’ (night markets). The local porn market has seen increased production in recent years, with amateurish and voyeuristic productions frequently on sale at various night markets.
Politics of Malaysia
Malaysia is a dictatorship disguised as a Parliamentary Democracy. This is because unlike most democracies which splits it’s power to make sure that no single entity have too much power, Malaysia’s true power is in its Executive Branch, which is the Prime Minister’s branch, hence the government. They exert their rule with fear, using the ISA, and forcing laws that strips power from the Legislative and Judicial Branches. Members of the Parliament no longer have diplomatic immunity because of these policies, and can be imprisoned if they offend the government, which has happened many times.
In Malaysia, political groups are known as parties. This is because they love to party all day and night while ignoring their responsibility in attending parliamentary meetings. They think it is easier to brainstorm for solutions to develop the country to suck more money from the taxpayers while they are outdoors drinking beer, dancing to dangdut, etc., than just sitting still for hours in the boring Parliament staring at the face of Agong.
Malaysians have a responsibility when the election comes. In a nutshell, all they have to do can be summarized in 3 steps: 1 – Enter the voting booth. 2 – Mark the left box. 3 – Leave.
There is absolutely no point in even thinking about which party to represent themselves. Both left wing and right wing parties are inept and corrupt. And since their lives are not broken for the time being, why should they fix it? So they just vote the default ruling party on the left box and leave.
Education of Malaysia
The education system of Malaysia is unique, being the only system in the world to penalize high achievers and reward idiots. Brains are exported overseas while the least brightest are nurtured locally, which is the main reason why Malaysians would be unable to differentiate between left and right by 2020. All Malaysians attend 11 years of compulsory brainwashing at government facilities called public schools. Upon graduating, ethnic Malays enroll in top-quality world class Malaysian universities.
Malaysia is the only country in the world that requires information about your "race" when you sit for a national exam. The Minister of Education of course denies any favouring towards the Malays but everyone knows that if you are non-Malay, the job of marking your paper will be outsourced to an unknown country.
Still, the Malays are generous enough to do extra badly in the exams and thus end up with marks lower than the Chinese or Indians. However, most Malays regret neglecting their education and not being able to make good money and so they usually take on jobs that allow them to feel the money in their hands for a little while. Examples are toll booth attendants, fast food restaurant cashiers, and those people that sit in front of public toilets to collect 20 cents per toilet entry, plus another 20 cents for toilet paper.
SPM
Students sitting for the SPM examination is analogous to a cow, as this examination assesses the ability of students to swallow and regurgitate information. Subjects can be easily passed by memorizing the entire textbook without actually understanding anything.
While other international examinations are increasing in standard every year, the SPM examination has shown a steady decline compared from 70s and 80s until today. The reason is simple, if the standard is lowered, more students (read: Malays) will be able to score As, this would appear as if Malaysians are getting smarter every year, credits to the government for this ingenious plan.
The SPM has 6 compulsory subjects: Malay, substandard English, Semi-Modern Math, Immoral Education, PseudoScience, and Fabricated History.
The non-Muslim students have to tolerate 2 years of ineffective brainwashing during History, Moral and Civic lessons. Civics was introduced in 2005 when the brilliant government discovered that the reason for brain drain is due to students not being patriotic enough. Consequently, the head researcher, Datuk Hisappuding was awarded a medal for his amazing findings. As a result, students get another 2 classes of snoozing time per week because no one listens during Civic lessons.
The UnBiased Government of Malaysia
(1) Of the five major banks, only one is multi-racial, the rest are controlled by Malays.
(2) 99% of Petronas directors are Malays.
(3) 3% of Petronas employees are Chinese.
(4) 99% of 2000 Petronas gasoline stations are owned by Malays.
(5) 100% all contractors working under Petronas projects must be of Bumis status.
(6) 0% of non-Malay staff are legally required in Malay companies. But there must be 30% Malay staffs in Chinese companies.
(7) 5% of all new intake for government police, nurses, army, are non-Malays.
(8) 2% is the present Chinese staff in Royal Malaysian Air Force (RMAF), a drop from 40% in 1960.
(9) 2% is the percentage of non-Malay government servants in Putrajaya, but Malays make up 98%.
(10) 7% is the percentage of Chinese government servants in the entire government (in 2004); a drop from 30% in 1960.
(11) 95% of government contracts are given to Malays.
(12) 100% all business licensees are controlled by Malay government, e.g. Taxi permits, Approved permits, etc.
(13) 80% of the Chinese rice millers in Kedah had to be sold to Malay controlled Bernas in 1980s. Otherwise, life is made difficult for Chinese rice millers.
(14) 100 big companies set up, owned and managed by Chinese Malaysians were taken over by government, and later managed by Malays since 1970s, e.g. UTC, UMBC, MISC, etc.
(15) At least 10 Chinese owned bus companies (throughout Malaysia in the past 40 years) had to be sold to MARA or other Malay transport companies due to rejection by Malay authorities to Chinese applications for bus routes and rejection for their applications for new buses.
(16) Two Chinese taxi drivers were barred from driving in Johor Larkin bus station. There are about 30 taxi drivers and three were Chinese in Oct. 2004. Spoiling taxi club properties was the reason given.
(17) 0 non-Malays are allowed to get shop lots in the new Muar bus station (Nov. 2004).
(18) 8000 billion ringgit is the total amount the government channeled to Malay pockets through ASB, ASN, MARA, privatization of government agencies, Tabung Haji etc, through NEP over a 34 years period.
(19) 48 Chinese primary schools closed down from 1968 – 2000.
(20) 144 Indian primary schools closed down from 1968 – 2000.
(21) 2637 Malay primary schools built from 1968 – 2000.
(22) 2.5% is government budget for Chinese primary schools. Indian schools got only 1%, Malay schools got 96.5%.
(23) While a Chinese parent with RM1000 salary (monthly) cannot get school textbook loan, a Malay parent with RM2000 salary is eligible.
(24) All 10 public university vice chancellors are Malays.
(25) 5% of the government universities’ lecturers are of non-Malay origins. This percentage has been reduced from about 70% in 1965 to only 5% in 2004.
(26) Only 5% has been given to non-Malays for government scholarships in over 40 years.
(27) 0 Chinese or Indians were sent to Japan and Korea under the “Look East Policy.”
(28) 128 STPM Chinese top students could not get into the course to which they aspired, i.e. Medicine (in 2004).
(29) 10% quotas are in place for non-Bumi students for MARA science schools beginning in 2003, but only 7% are filled. Before that it was 100% Malays.
(30) 50 cases in which Chinese and Indian Malaysians are beaten up in the National Service program in 2003.
(31) 25% of the Malaysian population was Chinese in 2004, a drop from 45% in 1957.
(32) 7% of the Malaysian population is Indian (2004), a drop from 12% in 1957.
(33) 2 million Chinese Malaysians have emigrated in the past 40 years.
(34) 0.5 million Indian Malaysians have emigrated overseas.
(35) 3 millions Indonesians have migrated to Malaysia and become Malaysian citizens with Bumis status.
(36) 600,000 Chinese and Indian Malaysians with red IC were rejected repeatedly when applying for citizenship in the past 40 years. Perhaps 60% of them had already passed away due to old age. This shows racism, based on how easily Indonesians got their citizenships compared with the Chinese and Indians.
(37) 5% – 15% discount for a Malay to buy a house, regardless whether the Malay is rich or poor.
(38) 2% is what new Chinese villages get, compared with 98% – what Malay villages got for rural development budget.
(39) 50 road names (at least) had been changed from Chinese names to other names.
(40) 1 Dewan Gan Boon Leong (in Malacca) was altered to another name (e.g. Dewan Serbaguna or something like that) when it was only officially used for a few days. The government tries to shun Chinese names. This example of racism occurred around 2000.
(41) 0 temples/churches were built for each housing estate. But every housing estate got at least one mosque/surau built.
(42) 3000 mosques/surau were built in all housing estates throughout Malaysia since 1970. No temples or churches are required to be built in housing estates.
(43) 1 Catholic church in Shah Alam took 20 years to apply to have a building constructed. But they were told by Malay authority that it must look like a factory and not like a church. As of 2004 the application still have not been approved.
(44) 1 publishing of Bible in Iban language banned (in 2002).
(45) 0 of the government TV stations (RTM1, RTM2, TV3) are directors of non-Malay origin.
(46) 30 government produced TV dramas and films always showed that the bad guys had Chinese faces, and the good guys had Malay faces. You can check it out since 1970s. Recent years, this has become less of a tendency.
(47) 10 times, at least, Malays (especially Umno) had threatened to massacre the Chinese Malaysians using May 13, since 1969.
(48) 20 constituencies won by DAP would not get funds from the government to develop. These Chinese majority constituencies would be the last to be developed.
(49) 100 constituencies (parliaments and states) had been racially re-delineated so Chinese votes were diluted for Chinese candidates. This is one of the main reasons why DAP candidates have consistently lost in elections since the 1970s.
(50) Only 3 out of 12 human rights items are ratified by the Malaysian government since 1960.
(51) 0 – elimination of all forms of racial discrimination (UN Human Rights) has not been ratified by Malaysian government since 1960s.
(52) 20 reported cases whereby Malay ambulance attendances treated Chinese patients inhumanely, and Malay government hospital staffs purposely delayed attending to Chinese patients in 2003. Unreported cases may be 200.
(53) 50 cases each year whereby Chinese, especially Chinese youths, are being beaten up by Malay youths in public places. Police reports may be checked to verify this, provided the police took the report, otherwise there will be no record.
(54) 20 cases every year whereby Chinese drivers who accidentally knocked down Malays were seriously assaulted or killed by Malays.
(55) 12% is what ASB/ASN got per annum while banks fixed deposits are only about 3.5% per annum.
Note: All of the above are edited extracts from an encyclopaedia parody wiki that is hosted by Wikia.
Mr. Julian Cheah
Teacher of English to Speakers of Other Languages
Education & Career Guidance Consultant
Member of the Oxford Teachers’ Club
Brainbench Certified Master of English Vocabulary and Spelling
Brainbench Certified Master of Computer Fundamentals
Utusan Malaysia’s : The Fate of Malays in Malay Land.
Aug 5th
I would have to admit that UMNO’ lap dog newspaper continues to publish some of the best and racist articles at this day in Malaysia.
First of all, we have to ask what Malaysia really is. Is it a ancient Malay land with squatter migrants or its a fully democratic modern nearly developed country made up of various races that make up its citizens.
If you ask any outsider and in fact majority of its citizens, it would be the latter. After all, most non Malay Malaysians are third and fourth generation Malaysians who no longer identify with their country of their ancestors. In addition, non Malay Malaysians readily identify the sultans and king as their very own.
But if you ask Utusan and a few narrow minded Malays, they think this is a Malay land and other races may be evicted at the whim of these racists. 
The various non Malays have been very tolerant of such antics thus far even though odds are stacked against them. From affirmative policies that ensures handouts to the Malays to threats of bathing in non Malay’s blood the list of racism goes on and on.
Next you come across articles such as this that suggest that the Malays are the ones who are being kind and generous hosts while the non Malays take advantage of their kindness.
To understand why this happens you have to understand that the average Malay is a hypocrite. If you are a Malay you get everything handed to you. I should know – legally I’m a Malay.
You get government scholarships, you get places in special government residential schools and at the worst you have the government diploma mill that ensures even the worst Malay is given a piece of paper. Then with this piece of paper you get into various government machineries like Petronas, Bank Islam, PLUS etc. Your future is set for you. You don’t have to work for anything – so long as you buy into their propaganda that as a Malay you have a right above everything else. To make sure you were paying attention you have Biro Tatanegara to brainwash you into UMNO’s version of Malay supremacy.
See Malays (who were incidentally who were once known to be the nicest and kindest people) are brought up in their world as being tolerant and sensitive. Lets see how sensitive Malays actually are :
1) Muslims don’t eat pork so shops selling pork products are usually hidden away but Malay butchers openly display beef carcasses proudly without thinking twice. Moral of the story : Only Malays are sensitive, no other religion has sensitivity.
2.) The call for prayers blares morning and night. Most non Malays are quite used to this. And yet when non Malays have functions and have music loudly playing they get "visits" from the neighbourhood Malays.
3) Mosques get so much more funding than other religious structure. In fact the statistics are so biased towards Islam its not even funny. The rationale behind this it seems that Malaysia is an "Islamic" country. So whatever every Malay can do to be unfair to other races is considered sensitivity on their part. No non can ever challenge the “right” of the Malay to be unfair and unjust to their own countrymen. Non Malays practically have to beg to build their places of worship and many of these which have been around Malaysia for hundreds of years are callously demolished.
4) The entire government functions as if to cater for only Malays. UMNO being the largest component party of BN ensures that all the heads of governments are Malays (whether or not they have the skill to do so). The result are often quite amusing and downright silly as these little Napoleons implement policies to please their political Masters. Rights of non Malays are trodden, ignored, removed with threats such as May 13, 1969 and ISA.
And yet we have articles pimped by Utusan Malaysia suggesting that Malays are downtrodden. Which Malays ? In which way ?
Lets look at Utusan’s article for that. It says Teoh Beng Hock’s child is illegitimate because his partner was pregnant before they were supposed to get married when his untimely demise at the hands of MACC occurred. While brilliantly missing the forest for the trees, what has this got to do with the birth registration of his partners child ? Utusan claims that this would prompt other unwed mothers to register their partners name.
What is so wrong with that. The last time I checked, Malaysia is a country run by rule of law and not religious bodies. If Teoh Beng Hock’s partner can prove the child is his, then by all means register the deceased as his father. Out of wedlock or not should not be a matter.
Next they go on about China citizens who were arrested who were made to do squats by a Malaysian policewoman. Apparently these were pushed by MCA and the Chinese dailies. Utusan alleges that if it happened to a local Malay girl, the stories will not get published.
Well Utusan is half right there. The reason these sort of news is not published is because there is a blanket ban on anything negative about the government. So Utusan itself will not publish it! It will not even investigate it. Utusan not publishing the daily happenings is so common that most Malaysians use it as a benchmark for government propaganda. So again I ask – in what way Malays are downtrodden ?
Utusan claims that they fight for the rights of all races. I have two words for them. Awang Selamat. Remember him ? He write for your trash gossip tabloids.
Utusan claims that the number of places of worships by non Malays outnumber the ones by the Malays. So I counter the claim – why aren’t these maintained by the government of Malaysia ? We have sprawling mosques that state and federal governments spend millions on annually. Compare the largest temple to the largest mosque. See the disparity ? If the government spend as much money as it spends on mosques on other places of worship – Najib would be use it as a fine example for his 1Malaysia!
So on they lament about how Malays are mistreated in their own land. They are an oblivious bunch aren’t they ? When non Malays are dying in deaths in custody, MACC investigations. When non Malays have to put up with harassments from RELA to any government department. When non Malays have to put up with the Islamisation of public schools yes its the Malays who are mistreated.
I don’t know whether to laugh at cry at Utusan. On one hand Utusan is UMNO’s fiercest lapdogs, faithfully publishing propaganda while censoring government misdeeds “for public safety”. On the other hand they lament that the Malays are being left behind in everything and are being too generous to other races!
Think about it. For more than half a century this country has been in control of the Malays. So much so, as mentioned, they have reinforced themselves in every crack, nook and cranny of the government system. And somehow they look at someone else to blame for their own incompetence ?
Here is is :
1. NEP has been in place for more than four decades but Malays are still poor with exception of the elite few. Whose mistake is that ?
2. Even though Malaysia is a multicultural country, the government ensured that government business went to Malay companies. And yet Malays are poor. Whose mistake is that ?
3. Under a Malay government which controls Malays media and Malay police force, violence and crime has sky rocketed ? Whose mistake is that ?
4. Food and fuel prices has skyrocketed even though billions are made through Petronas, a Malay controlled oil and gas company. Whose mistake is that ?
I could go on but you get the picture. The problem is UMNO and Utusan Malaysia are not intelligent enough to see that they are the root cause of all ills in Malaysia. They made this mess.
Further, why are Malays so afraid to lose political power ? Why must there be always a Malay government at the helm ? Is it because all the bad and insensitive ways they treated non Malays will come back to haunt them ?
Why are people who champion the rights of non Malays are labelled traitors to their own race ? Isn’t the right to champion the rights of anyone is the social and moral responsibility of anyone ? Is UMNO and Utusan Malaysia telling me that I must be immoral and treat the real downtrodden people like filth ?
Now UMNO and Utusan Malaysia always drag religion into politics. But the way UMNO and Utusan run their business is as if they are munafiq. They violate all the principles of the religion and limiting Islam to the guardian of who sleeps with whom so Utusan can sell more newspapers.
So what exactly can we learn from all the frothing and spewing from Utusan Malaysia ? The more they spread racial hate, the more they sell hate disharmony the more Malaysians want change. UMNO knows its time is up. They do their very best to do what they have done for decades – that is to stir up racial disharmony through their lapdogs like Utusan Malaysia. These government controlled newspapers can’t write decent news to save their lives.
UMNO’s time is up. Everyone knows it. Even UMNO.
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