Voice of Insanity

This article has been declared of PUBLIC CONCERN by the Malaysian Department of Homeland Security
This is because there is no word for "parody" in Malay. Avoid falling into the trap of heart!

WARNING: The following text contains the truth that has been long hidden from the public.
(The goal of this article is to provide the public with unrestricted information in the form of political satire.)

Islamic Soviet Union of Malaysia

Motto:   1Malaysia, Double Standards

Anthem:            Negarakuku     

Population: 
            26 million citizens and 1.5 billion illegal immigrants        

Largest city: 
            City Nurhaliza

Official languages:
            Unintelligible rojak of Malay, English and Chinese

Government:
            Fascist Dictatorship      

Major exports:
            Durian, Jihad Terrorist, Quran, Moral Textbooks, Pirated VCD & DVD, Smatijoves, Pork, Water, Sewage (to Sinkaypoh), Cooking Oil, Condoms, Hand gloves, Belacan, Nasi Lemak

National Icon:
            KLCC, Tolls, Duit Kopi, Excellent Taxi Service, Dirty Roads, Polluted River and Beach, Vandalism, Snatch Theft, Uneducated Leaders and Dirty Toilets   

Declaration of Independence:
            If it’s a Malay problem, it’s a national problem; If it’s a Chinese problem, it’s a racial problem; If it’s an Indian problem, it’s not a problem.        

Language : Rojak
The official and most widely spoken language of Malaysians is Rojak Language, also known as Bahasa Rojak. Rojak language often regarded as the World’s 2nd International Language by experts for its diversity and uniqueness by combining various languages. It consists of Malay, Chinese, Tamil, English, Japanese, Spanish, French, Hokkien, Thai, Elven, Orc, Pokemon, Digimon, Mars, Venus, and many more. With that, everyone can communicate without the need to know more than 1 language. This is very useful in foreign nations as messages can be conveyed effectively using only Rojak. Rojak is also the simplest language ever constructed, just follow the following rules.
Law:
    * Add "Lah" in the end of every sentence. Bob your head when doing that.
    * Use "maybe", "can", "dunno" extensively.
    * Each sentence must consist of more than 3 dialects/languages.
    * If you dont know what to do next just say "OK" and nod your head.

Malaysian Economy
Malaysia exports a lot of rubber to countries around the world. However, the main Malaysian export is brains which is sourced from today’s brightest minds of Malaysian youth. Brains are exported to countries such as UK, the US and Australia through institutions called private colleges. This is a serious problem for the nation because while this ensures that Malaysia would be free of the undeserving immigrant Chinese, it also makes Malaysian graduates more stupid in average. Studies show that by the year 2019, Malaysian graduates will be unable to differentiate between their left and right hand.
Another major source of income is from pirates – no, not those who rob at sea or plunder the land from the sea, but those who are in the business of producing, duplicating, and distributing illegal copies of DVDs. It is therefore no surprise that the main Malaysian import is porn from various foreign nations, which has high demand by Malaysian buyers in ‘pasar malams’ (night markets). The local porn market has seen increased production in recent years, with amateurish and voyeuristic productions frequently on sale at various night markets.

Politics of Malaysia
Malaysia is a dictatorship disguised as a Parliamentary Democracy. This is because unlike most democracies which splits it’s power to make sure that no single entity have too much power, Malaysia’s true power is in its Executive Branch, which is the Prime Minister’s branch, hence the government. They exert their rule with fear, using the ISA, and forcing laws that strips power from the Legislative and Judicial Branches. Members of the Parliament no longer have diplomatic immunity because of these policies, and can be imprisoned if they offend the government, which has happened many times.
In Malaysia, political groups are known as parties. This is because they love to party all day and night while ignoring their responsibility in attending parliamentary meetings. They think it is easier to brainstorm for solutions to develop the country to suck more money from the taxpayers while they are outdoors drinking beer, dancing to dangdut, etc., than just sitting still for hours in the boring Parliament staring at the face of Agong.
Malaysians have a responsibility when the election comes. In a nutshell, all they have to do can be summarized in 3 steps: 1 – Enter the voting booth. 2 – Mark the left box. 3 – Leave.
There is absolutely no point in even thinking about which party to represent themselves. Both left wing and right wing parties are inept and corrupt. And since their lives are not broken for the time being, why should they fix it? So they just vote the default ruling party on the left box and leave.

Education of Malaysia
The education system of Malaysia is unique, being the only system in the world to penalize high achievers and reward idiots. Brains are exported overseas while the least brightest are nurtured locally, which is the main reason why Malaysians would be unable to differentiate between left and right by 2020. All Malaysians attend 11 years of compulsory brainwashing at government facilities called public schools. Upon graduating, ethnic Malays enroll in top-quality world class Malaysian universities.
Malaysia is the only country in the world that requires information about your "race" when you sit for a national exam. The Minister of Education of course denies any favouring towards the Malays but everyone knows that if you are non-Malay, the job of marking your paper will be outsourced to an unknown country.
Still, the Malays are generous enough to do extra badly in the exams and thus end up with marks lower than the Chinese or Indians. However, most Malays regret neglecting their education and not being able to make good money and so they usually take on jobs that allow them to feel the money in their hands for a little while. Examples are toll booth attendants, fast food restaurant cashiers, and those people that sit in front of public toilets to collect 20 cents per toilet entry, plus another 20 cents for toilet paper.

SPM
Students sitting for the SPM examination is analogous to a cow, as this examination assesses the ability of students to swallow and regurgitate information. Subjects can be easily passed by memorizing the entire textbook without actually understanding anything.
While other international examinations are increasing in standard every year, the SPM examination has shown a steady decline compared from 70s and 80s until today. The reason is simple, if the standard is lowered, more students (read: Malays) will be able to score As, this would appear as if Malaysians are getting smarter every year, credits to the government for this ingenious plan.
The SPM has 6 compulsory subjects: Malay, substandard English, Semi-Modern Math, Immoral Education, PseudoScience, and Fabricated History.
The non-Muslim students have to tolerate 2 years of ineffective brainwashing during History, Moral and Civic lessons. Civics was introduced in 2005 when the brilliant government discovered that the reason for brain drain is due to students not being patriotic enough. Consequently, the head researcher, Datuk Hisappuding was awarded a medal for his amazing findings. As a result, students get another 2 classes of snoozing time per week because no one listens during Civic lessons.

The UnBiased Government of Malaysia
(1) Of the five major banks, only one is multi-racial, the rest are controlled by Malays.
(2) 99% of Petronas directors are Malays.
(3) 3% of Petronas employees are Chinese.
(4) 99% of 2000 Petronas gasoline stations are owned by Malays.
(5) 100% all contractors working under Petronas projects must be of Bumis status.
(6) 0% of non-Malay staff are legally required in Malay companies. But there must be 30% Malay staffs in Chinese companies.
(7) 5% of all new intake for government police, nurses, army, are non-Malays.
(8) 2% is the present Chinese staff in Royal Malaysian Air Force (RMAF), a drop from 40% in 1960.
(9) 2% is the percentage of non-Malay government servants in Putrajaya, but Malays make up 98%.
(10) 7% is the percentage of Chinese government servants in the entire government (in 2004); a drop from 30% in 1960.
(11) 95% of government contracts are given to Malays.
(12) 100% all business licensees are controlled by Malay government, e.g. Taxi permits, Approved permits, etc.
(13) 80% of the Chinese rice millers in Kedah had to be sold to Malay controlled Bernas in 1980s. Otherwise, life is made difficult for Chinese rice millers.
(14) 100 big companies set up, owned and managed by Chinese Malaysians were taken over by government, and later managed by Malays since 1970s, e.g. UTC, UMBC, MISC, etc.
(15) At least 10 Chinese owned bus companies (throughout Malaysia in the past 40 years) had to be sold to MARA or other Malay transport companies due to rejection by Malay authorities to Chinese applications for bus routes and rejection for their applications for new buses.
(16) Two Chinese taxi drivers were barred from driving in Johor Larkin bus station. There are about 30 taxi drivers and three were Chinese in Oct. 2004. Spoiling taxi club properties was the reason given.
(17) 0 non-Malays are allowed to get shop lots in the new Muar bus station (Nov. 2004).
(18) 8000 billion ringgit is the total amount the government channeled to Malay pockets through ASB, ASN, MARA, privatization of government agencies, Tabung Haji etc, through NEP over a 34 years period.
(19) 48 Chinese primary schools closed down from 1968 – 2000.
(20) 144 Indian primary schools closed down from 1968 – 2000.
(21) 2637 Malay primary schools built from 1968 – 2000.
(22) 2.5% is government budget for Chinese primary schools. Indian schools got only 1%, Malay schools got 96.5%.
(23) While a Chinese parent with RM1000 salary (monthly) cannot get school textbook loan, a Malay parent with RM2000 salary is eligible.
(24) All 10 public university vice chancellors are Malays.
(25) 5% of the government universities’ lecturers are of non-Malay origins. This percentage has been reduced from about 70% in 1965 to only 5% in 2004.
(26) Only 5% has been given to non-Malays for government scholarships in over 40 years.
(27) 0 Chinese or Indians were sent to Japan and Korea under the “Look East Policy.”
(28) 128 STPM Chinese top students could not get into the course to which they aspired, i.e. Medicine (in 2004).
(29) 10% quotas are in place for non-Bumi students for MARA science schools beginning in 2003, but only 7% are filled. Before that it was 100% Malays.
(30) 50 cases in which Chinese and Indian Malaysians are beaten up in the National Service program in 2003.
(31) 25% of the Malaysian population was Chinese in 2004, a drop from 45% in 1957.
(32) 7% of the Malaysian population is Indian (2004), a drop from 12% in 1957.
(33) 2 million Chinese Malaysians have emigrated in the past 40 years.
(34) 0.5 million Indian Malaysians have emigrated overseas.
(35) 3 millions Indonesians have migrated to Malaysia and become Malaysian citizens with Bumis status.
(36) 600,000 Chinese and Indian Malaysians with red IC were rejected repeatedly when applying for citizenship in the past 40 years. Perhaps 60% of them had already passed away due to old age. This shows racism, based on how easily Indonesians got their citizenships compared with the Chinese and Indians.
(37) 5% – 15% discount for a Malay to buy a house, regardless whether the Malay is rich or poor.
(38) 2% is what new Chinese villages get, compared with 98% – what Malay villages got for rural development budget.
(39) 50 road names (at least) had been changed from Chinese names to other names.
(40) 1 Dewan Gan Boon Leong (in Malacca) was altered to another name (e.g. Dewan Serbaguna or something like that) when it was only officially used for a few days. The government tries to shun Chinese names. This example of racism occurred around 2000.
(41) 0 temples/churches were built for each housing estate. But every housing estate got at least one mosque/surau built.
(42) 3000 mosques/surau were built in all housing estates throughout Malaysia since 1970. No temples or churches are required to be built in housing estates.
(43) 1 Catholic church in Shah Alam took 20 years to apply to have a building constructed. But they were told by Malay authority that it must look like a factory and not like a church. As of 2004 the application still have not been approved.
(44) 1 publishing of Bible in Iban language banned (in 2002).
(45) 0 of the government TV stations (RTM1, RTM2, TV3) are directors of non-Malay origin.
(46) 30 government produced TV dramas and films always showed that the bad guys had Chinese faces, and the good guys had Malay faces. You can check it out since 1970s. Recent years, this has become less of a tendency.
(47) 10 times, at least, Malays (especially Umno) had threatened to massacre the Chinese Malaysians using May 13, since 1969.
(48) 20 constituencies won by DAP would not get funds from the government to develop. These Chinese majority constituencies would be the last to be developed.
(49) 100 constituencies (parliaments and states) had been racially re-delineated so Chinese votes were diluted for Chinese candidates. This is one of the main reasons why DAP candidates have consistently lost in elections since the 1970s.
(50) Only 3 out of 12 human rights items are ratified by the Malaysian government since 1960.
(51) 0 – elimination of all forms of racial discrimination (UN Human Rights) has not been ratified by Malaysian government since 1960s.
(52) 20 reported cases whereby Malay ambulance attendances treated Chinese patients inhumanely, and Malay government hospital staffs purposely delayed attending to Chinese patients in 2003. Unreported cases may be 200.
(53) 50 cases each year whereby Chinese, especially Chinese youths, are being beaten up by Malay youths in public places. Police reports may be checked to verify this, provided the police took the report, otherwise there will be no record.
(54) 20 cases every year whereby Chinese drivers who accidentally knocked down Malays were seriously assaulted or killed by Malays.
(55) 12% is what ASB/ASN got per annum while banks fixed deposits are only about 3.5% per annum.

Note: All of the above are edited extracts from an encyclopaedia parody wiki that is hosted by Wikia.

Mr. Julian Cheah
Teacher of English to Speakers of Other Languages
Education & Career Guidance Consultant
Member of the Oxford Teachers’ Club
Brainbench Certified Master of English Vocabulary and Spelling
Brainbench Certified Master of Computer Fundamentals

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